Punjab does Coppertree
Here follows a preliminary (as of 11/11/96) menu outline for Coppertree's upcoming Baby Harp Seal event. We have made every effort to stick to period with the Indian recipes as we see them, although precious little information is available. All of the main courses on this menu consist of what we like to call "Third-World Slop" (to quote Lucan.) Don't let the name throw you, however. We assure you, it's all quite wonderful. We originally wanted to do the classic Tandoori Chicken, but we don't have a tandoor, and the only recipes we could find that attempt to adapt this dish to a standard oven look gruesome. If anyone out there has a tandoor that somehow manages to weigh less than 500 pounds and not be integral to some larger structure like a restaurant, let me know.

IMPORTANT

The spices for these dishes will all be used to the letter of the recipe with the exception of cayenne pepper and chilies. Because I know that most of you are effete, faint-hearted Americans raised on Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, and Campbells Chicken and Stars Soup, as well as the fact that I look down my nose at you for it, we will be performing some substitutions. Cayenne pepper powder will actually be a mixture of 25% cayenne pepper powder and 75% of the best paprika we can find this side of Budapest. This should make most of the dishes sufficiently woosie. For chilies, we will be using a mixture of similar proportions of chilies and sweet italian frying peppers. Again, that should remove a sufficient amount of adventure and risk from the dishes to make them acceptably bland and spiritless. The only exception to this will be the fresh Coriander Chutney, the essence of which is intense spicy heat and I simply refuse to change it. You have been warned and will just have to cope somehow. The rest of the ingredients will not be deviated from unless someone specifically submits a request in writing to the autocrat by the reservation deadline with an explanation of your reasons and a good reason why you must eat the dish in question. If you have special dietary needs, they are your responsibility, not mine. I will spare no effort to make everyone aware of my ingredients and attitudes and give everyone plenty of opportunity to complain about them ahead of time. Anyone showing up in my kitchen on the day of the event and complaining of a dietary restriction will therefore be ignored.

Also note that this menu is incomplete. It does not reflect breads in any way. An important part of any Indian (especially northern) meal is the astonishing quality and variety of its breads, so rest assured they will show up in the coming weeks. By way of excuse, my 'bread czar' is a bit busy these days with work and school. She is aware that if she feels she cannot perform her function, she will be ordered to voluntarily step down.

If you have questions/comments/hate-mail concerning this missive or this feast, feel free to contact either myself, or my 'primary functional subunit' at the addresses linked below.

Baron Daniel del Cavallo
Lady Edana Aldys Haukins